|"Insomnia" - Alex Grey - AlexGrey.com|
Exploring the capabilities of Google Hangouts is a perfectly fine thing to do, but 5:30 am after a sleepless night is not the time to do it!
Nor is this the time to post an item on my blog, nor do any of the other things that I want to do right now rather than sleep!
Fear, fear, fear!
Must work more....must do more...must create value....must get better...must make money...must work more...must do more...must explore more....must find the key, the trigger, the leverage point....must change...must transform...must work more...must do....a little more...must do....one...more...thing....just this...must do this...then a little sleep....as little as possible....because there's so much to do...always...so many promises...so much to say...so many stories to tell...thoughts to share...ideas to manifest....so much to do, always...in all ways....at all times....all the time...
God, I want eternity. I want it now. I want to have forever to work - to dream, then plan, then build and make and do...
Forgive me, God, for I hate time. I hate the finitude of it, the always-running-out of it, the relentless, unceasing disappearance of it.
And yet You placed me in this ....this box, this set of contraints....
Worse, You placed Yourself within it.
What were You thinking?
To demonstrate what eternity expressed in time looks like?
Master, the tempest is raging. How can You sleep?
Because Father neither slumbers nor sleeps.
And now, neither do You. Unresting, unhasting.
And because You do not sleep, I can. It's okay to. It's okay to do only a day's work within any day.
But I feel like it takes me two days to do a day's work.
And there's the rub. It never feels like enough. Always, it's "I should have accomplished more today."
According to whose measure? Who places that burden on me?
The calling is not to wear a cape, nor to have an "S" emblazoned on my chest.
The calling is not to do this or that number of tasks.
It is to do what I can within a day. And to get better at doing what I can within a day.
And on some days that may mean doing more than I did on a previous days
But on some days it may mean doing less.
Rest is allowed.
Rest is more than allowed.
Rest is where it all begins.
Act from rest.
And from the confidence that all will be well.