Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Incredible Hamster-Man

There's too much to do. All the time. Gotta keep moving. Left, right, left, right, faster, faster - Whoa! Didn't see that coming! Sorry, lady!....Okay, back up, slowly, slowly....I would help you up, but as you see, my reach is limited by this damn plastic ball....okay where was I...oh, yeah, east...the water fountain is east....least, that what the map says. Keep moving, dude, you'll get there...man I am so thirsty, so frikkin thirsty...just keep moving, you'll get there.

OH CRAP....what's this....there's FOOD to the NORTH???

ARGH. Now I'm HUNGRY!

Food north, water east....Whose idea was this? Jiminy....which way do I go, which is first, food, water, food...I was already thirsty, and the body's 70 percent water right? Okay east...

No, wait, wait, wait. If I eat the food first, then I can wash it down with the water. Who ever heard of washing down water with food? Yeah, food first...northward, ho!

WHAT THE-???

Hey, you wanna learn how to steer that baby carriage? Precious cargo, you know!

Geez....okay, faster, faster....time runs one direction...OUT...

Gettin tired. Can't get tired. Screw tired. Get hungry. Already hungry. Get hungrier. Make hunger fuel. Let it keep feet moving. Keep moving, feet....

Is that it? Looks like....YES, it IS! Food, glorious food! OMIGOD it's GORGEOUS!

(Singing to self, imagining self as Andy Williams) Almost there, we're almost there....

YES YES YES I MADE IT ....THERE'S THE FOOD!

..........just outside this #*$#% ball!!!

(jumping up and down, screaming at the top of his lungs) LEMME OUT! LEMME OUTTA THIS THING!!

(He loses his balance, falls to one side, the ball rolls again with new force to the edge of a cliff, then over.

Ker-SPLAT!)

THE END.
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