Thursday, May 08, 2014

A New Word, A New Question

This popped up in my G+ feed Wednesday, courtesy of +Stacey Gorzin  and +Mani Scienide, and nearly knocked me out of my chair:

What a lovely and delightful word, and how perfect for the life I seek to live.

And I want to add, "while I can."

So, there's this - last Thursday evening, while still processing the intimations of mortality I had experienced the night before, I experienced chest pains. Bad enough to make me Google "heart attack symptoms." Then what I read was scary enough to make me check my wallet for my medical insurance card.

Which wasn't there. Then I started trying to figure out where it could be. Then I started trying to figure out how I might access my medical insurance info without it. And learned that had changed everyone's password in response to the Heartbleed threat. Then couldn't remember my security question answers. Then....

The pain eventually passed.

Tonight I finally told Janet. My fear of upsetting her gave way to the fear of being the husband whose widow says, "Why didn't you tell me, you #$*%!"

She and I have often had conversations acknowledging the reality that we will die someday. Since Thursday night, I have been dogged by the question, "What if I die soon?"

I have long since agreed with Paul that, on the whole, it is better to be There than to be Here. But if I left right now, I would leave a great big mess of unfinished business.

Gotta fix that.

Meanwhile, tomorrow morning I'll visit the community health clinic that I keep forgetting about, and tell them about Thursday's chest pain. And the lump that appeared on the back of my left hand Friday night. And the numbness - or is it an ache? - that has rested in my left arm for the past four hours or so.

And tomorrow afternoon, either use the will kit that came with my Legal Shield membership to work on my will, or if I can't find it, request a new one.
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